He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
