haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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