I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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