how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
