i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
