1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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