you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
