I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
