Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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