dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
