I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
