i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
