Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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