oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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