I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
