I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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