Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my being single is dangerous.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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