my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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