they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
