His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
