i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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