He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
