last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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