Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
false alarm. still invincible.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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