capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
