I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
