We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
