Someone shit on the floor
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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