God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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