I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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