Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
