Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
