my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
