I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She's the barista slut.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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