You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
