Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
