Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
