His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
