fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
