This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
