Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
