Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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