it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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