if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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