When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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