You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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