lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
