I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
