What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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