i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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